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| Alexandra Nicod |
I would like to
I would like to love you without cultivating fears
nor feed monsters
I would like to desire
you
without falling into the well of the past
to collide with you between sheets of hope
giving birth to the new woman
I would like your
fingertips to know
how to play my instrument at all times
sing hoarsely in unison with our desire
feed the soul bite by bite
I would like all
the whispered words
to land on my retina
to visualize each vocal
to blind myself with you
I would like our
laughter to multiply in difficult moments
the stagnant air in the bedroom to become transparent
when the silence got unbearable
But
above all
above all
I would like to see
you again
the moment
I have lost you
Jealousy
Words that stick in the chest
the throat falls silent
the soul agonizes
Jealousy that assaults
from the deepest
lava in veins
sticky as gall
do not feel
do not feel
do not feel
do not feel so as not to cry
to spit
to scratch
to scream
to suffer
Do not suffer
Do not!
I still
I still love you
I still desire you
I still long for you
I still... I still... I still...
and you...
I ask for
I ask for unconditional love
love without pain
I ask not to be afraid
to be
to try
and to make mistakes
I ask for peace in my gut
to know how to ignore the abuses of yesteryear
to forgive the abuser
although never to forget some of that horror
I ask for 21 grams of happiness every
day
lung capacity for our laughter
humor and courtesy
I ask to deflate the sense of ridiculous
madness
nonsense
and desire to lie down anywhere
just to see your joy
I ask for soft and delicate language
and broken souls healed with Betadine
I ask for a happy childhood for you
and another one for me
I ask you to forget in order to be reborn
and I ask that you do not forget about me so as to grow
I pray that I don't make you suffer
may you be brave
otherwise I feel weak
may you be fragile
for me to finally be strong
that you lie down next to me
and caress my back
may your caresses be soft
and your desire intense
and may you surprise me
with your passion at any time
I ask to make love the way I like
and above all courage
to ask and say if there is something I dislike
I ask for friendship when the passion
ends
to know how to distinguish between your pain and mine
between your desire and the cold
I ask that you respond to me when I
write to you
that you are kind when I call you
and do not hide behind the mask
of any enemy
I pray for you and for me
for so many moments of pure joy
But above all
my love
I pray that someday
I will be able to love
to truly love you
without fear of being lost
You in me
I remember your
whispers in my neck
your humidity in my mouth
your breath on my curves
You in me
Desire explodes
under the debris…
...I live again
August
It doesn't matter that my lips continue
to draw the vowels of your name
without getting an answer…
Nor does it matter that my fingertips
keep wanting to land on your skin…
too distant…
It doesn't even matter that all my pain
is dying to rest in your arms…
now absent
No
none of that matters
when the heart is wild and the soul…
burning
To dare
We never got
to touch each other
only to sense each other
We never were
what we really wanted
to be
only what our
longings let us imagine…
Miles, Tiger & Coltrane
Today I finally fold my sadness
I suffocate its echo under multicolored crystal glasses
I scratch desire among the debris
and I fuck without a body
that body that I don't inhabit if it doesn't touch yours
because...
since you left I don't know how to do it
any other way
because... still...
where my love is there are you
my longings... you
my laughter... you
my home... you
you you you... all you... only you
where my shoulders are there is your
embrace
my fingertips... your curls
my pores... your tobacco
my hips... your calluses
my eyes... your soul
where is your hunger there is my
satisfaction
your cave... my admiration
your music... my beat
your heartbeat... my unison
but
above all
my love...
be very clear...
as clear as you and I
come from the snow of Winterfell
wherever your heart is
there is mine...
...snug...
...tiny...
...silent...
waiting...
even if you don't know it... don't notice it...
or worse...
don't want it…
Traffic
light
A car
Your hand on my leg
What are you thinking?
I don't think... I feel
The traffic light turns green
Ecstasy
The will to believe
Because I believe in grief
because I believe in sadness…
Because I believe in beauty
because I believe in courage…
Because I believe in the word
because I believe in love…
but
above all
above all…
because I want to believe
in you and me
I would like to love you without cultivating fears
nor feed monsters
without falling into the well of the past
to collide with you between sheets of hope
giving birth to the new woman
how to play my instrument at all times
sing hoarsely in unison with our desire
feed the soul bite by bite
to land on my retina
to visualize each vocal
to blind myself with you
the stagnant air in the bedroom to become transparent
when the silence got unbearable
above all
Jealousy
Words that stick in the chest
the throat falls silent
the soul agonizes
from the deepest
lava in veins
sticky as gall
do not feel
do not feel
to spit
to scratch
to scream
to suffer
Do not!
I still love you
I still desire you
I still long for you
love without pain
I ask not to be afraid
to be
to try
and to make mistakes
to know how to ignore the abuses of yesteryear
to forgive the abuser
although never to forget some of that horror
lung capacity for our laughter
humor and courtesy
madness
nonsense
and desire to lie down anywhere
just to see your joy
and broken souls healed with Betadine
and another one for me
I ask you to forget in order to be reborn
and I ask that you do not forget about me so as to grow
may you be brave
otherwise I feel weak
may you be fragile
for me to finally be strong
that you lie down next to me
and caress my back
may your caresses be soft
and your desire intense
and may you surprise me
with your passion at any time
and above all courage
to ask and say if there is something I dislike
to know how to distinguish between your pain and mine
between your desire and the cold
that you are kind when I call you
and do not hide behind the mask
of any enemy
for so many moments of pure joy
I will be able to love
to truly love you
without fear of being lost
your humidity in my mouth
your breath on my curves
to draw the vowels of your name
without getting an answer…
keep wanting to land on your skin…
too distant…
is dying to rest in your arms…
now absent
none of that matters
when the heart is wild and the soul…
only to sense each other
I suffocate its echo under multicolored crystal glasses
I scratch desire among the debris
and I fuck without a body
that body that I don't inhabit if it doesn't touch yours
my longings... you
my laughter... you
my home... you
my fingertips... your curls
my pores... your tobacco
my hips... your calluses
my eyes... your soul
your cave... my admiration
your music... my beat
your heartbeat... my unison
above all
my love...
as clear as you and I
come from the snow of Winterfell
wherever your heart is
there is mine...
...snug...
...tiny...
...silent...
waiting...
even if you don't know it... don't notice it...
don't want it…
Your hand on my leg
I don't think... I feel
because I believe in sadness…
because I believe in courage…
because I believe in love…
above all
above all…
in you and me
ALEXANDRA NICOD
Alexandra Nicod is a Swiss-Spanish poet, playwright and actress who was born in Switzerland and lives in Spain. She speaks fluently German, Spanish, French as well as English and holds two Bachelor degrees, one in Translation from the Dolmetscherschule (DOZ) Zurich/Switzerland and another one in Dramatic Art from the Real Escuela Superior de Arte Dramático (RESAD) Madrid/Spain.
She is the author of several collections of poems as well as of various theater plays performed in theaters in Spain. As an actress she has performed in both theater and film with important directors and as a poet she has participated in many international poetry festivals. Her poems have been translated in numerous languages (e.g. French, English, Arabic, Chinese, Vietnamese, Hungarian, Greek, Kurdish and Bengali) and published in important international poetry anthologies.
Alexandra Nicod is a multifaceted artist and poet,
member of the Spanish General Society of Authors and Publishers, the Spanish
Collegiate Association of Writers and the Spanish Actors Union.
